I tried to create a post title that was more poetic, but a wordsmith I am not. This post is written on a personal note, and may dishearten some; I won’t be sharing any new tricks, reflections, or resources today.
I had mentioned it before on a few earlier posts that my wife and I were pregnant with our second child. We were 4 months pregnant, and were thrilled that our 3 year old was finally starting to realize that something was different about Mommy. Many questions were asked at the dinner table, extra toys were set aside during playtime (for the baby, Daddy!), and we were starting to plan what our summer would be like with a newborn.
Unfortunately, at the 4 month check-up we learned that the baby’s heart had stopped. Our little unborn child had not been growing for the past two weeks and we would have to make an appointment at the hospital the next day for a planned miscarriage. We spent most of Friday sitting in a delivery room (the irony was quite bitter), waiting for the medication to induce labor to work before moving down to surgery. Nicole and I played cards, watched some television shows I can’t recall, and I read to her while she attempted to nap.
There were many small moments filled with tears, some amid awkward silences, and others coming in the middle of conversations. We left the hospital Friday evening exhausted, emotionally drained, and a bit disoriented from the after effects of the anesthesia. We’ve been saying goodbye with the help of our friends (who brought us the most delicious pasta dish on Saturday), my mother-in-law (who drove across the state to be with us), and our 3 year old (who watched Cinderella more times this weekend than I can count). I spent some time last night talking with my closest friend, and was able to share a lot of thoughts that really helped.
I may be posting again soon, and I may not; it really depends on how soon our lives start to return to normal. There’s a lot of cleaning to do around the house, and a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, but I know that talking and writing will help.